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Title: Five People John and Rodney Think They're Fooling
Pairing: Obviously, JohnRodney
Rating: G

AN: For downloadable08. This is supposed to have companion piece with five people John and Rodney really are fooling, but I am both too lazy and not creative enough to finish that. However, it seems that miasnape is both unlazy and very creative, so I give you Five People John and Rodney Really Are Fooling. AND, another one! Five People John and Rodney Really Are Fooling, by yolsaffbridge.

i. Radek Zelenka

Rodney and the Colonel have their heads bent together when Radek walks into the lab, and they're arguing quietly. "Don't be stupid," Rodney says, but the sentiment lacks its usual bite – quite the opposite, Radek thinks – he makes it sound affectionate.

"Dr. Z," John says, looking up, "think you can help us figure this out?"

He's not asked to help Rodney and the Colonel often – they are so frequently in their own world – so he goes and stands on Rodney's other side. The ancient device is sitting on the table in front of Rodney, and he watches for a minute as it flashes the same pattern in white, green, and red lights. After another minute, he reaches down and presses the small red, white, and green pads in the same pattern. The device beeps once, and gives a new pattern. He follows, and the cycle repeats – only next time, Radek purposely misses the pattern by one, and the device flashes the red light twice, then powers down.

"Is ancient toy," he tells Rodney, who's frowning deeply.

"Told you." John grins, smug. He stands up, pats Rodney on the knee, and Radek wants to roll his eyes when his hands lingers just a little too long. "See you at lunch," he says to Rodney, and smiles at Radek. "Thanks."

"Bye," Rodney says absently, fiddling with a new device. "Lunch, I know."

John pats his knee again, and Radek wonders if they are as blind as they think others are. After the Colonel is gone, he says, "I wonder, Rodney, if the Colonel knows the meaning of discretion?"

Rodney looks up at him, blushing furiously, and says, "huh?"

He picks the tablet up, rolls his eyes, and says, "do not pretend to be stupid, Rodney. It is not a good look for you."

ii. David Parrish.

Contrary to popular belief, Rodney does, sometimes, hang out with the botanists. They're surprisingly easy to get along with, in fact, often funny, but – most importantly – they can grow chocolate.

After learning that fact, Rodney makes it a point to hunt down Parrish at least once a week and hand him a cup of coffee. At first, he pretends he has a duty to check up on him, as CSO, but as the weeks pass, he admits that he might just call him a friend, especially after he learned David had once been an engineering major, until he took a horticulture class as an elective.

Which is why Rodney almost goes into shock when David says, "the Major wanted me to remind you about tonight. Said you had a hot date?"

If Rodney practically squeaked when he answered, it wasn't his fault. After all, that was ridiculous. "What, Sheppard?! No, you must have heard wrong – he doesn't like me, well, he does, but not like that – but, but, we don't date! I don't like him! He's annoying, has no sense of self-preservation, and – he has stupid hair!" His head feels a little light, and he thinks he might be sweating slightly.

So when Parrish leans forward and says, "Rodney, I meant Major Lorne. Hot date at the shooting range?" Rodney does the only sensible thing – he flees.

iii. Ronon Dex

"What's going on with you and McKay?"

"Nothing," John says, responding, maybe, just a little too quickly. He winces and picks up another Cheeto, popping it into his mouth, therefore (hopefully) avoiding any more questioning.

"Okay." Ronon says, looking at the sandwich in his hands for a minute before biting into it. When he's finished, he looks at the untouched half of John's turkey sandwich and says, "are you going to eat that?"

"Uh," John says, racking his brain for a good excuse not to. At that exact moment, however, Rodney drops down beside him.

"Can you believe that all the turkey is gone?" he asks, looking down at his tray sadly. "I'm stuck with ham. I hate ham."

John picks up the untouched half of his sandwich and puts it on Rodney's plate. "Saved you one – they were going pretty fast." Then he looks at Ronon, who's laughing, and says, "seriously, nothing."

iv. Nick Lorne

John's head is on the desk, mouth open, and he's snoring softly when Nick walks in, followed closely by Rodney.

"Ah," Rodney says, stopping, "he sometimes does that."

"I know," Nick says, grinning. "I've got a lot of pictures."

They stand together in the doorway until Rodney says, "we might as well just leave him alone – he hasn't been sleeping much."

Nick nods and turns around – there's nothing so pressing it can't be dealt with later, and there really is no harm in letting Sheppard sleep. But Rodney's not following him, so he looks back – just in time to see Rodney reach in his pocket and set something down on the desk. Upon closer inspection (blinking in disbelief), he realizes that Rodney has just given John his Snickers bar, the same one he had given Rodney after hitting all his targets the night before.

When Rodney joins him outside, Lorne smiles and says, "well, that frees up the rest of my afternoon. How about some lunch?"

v. Laura Cadman

"Colonel," she says, and then, "Rodney."

Rodney waves a hand at her, not even bothering to look, and John nods once, eyes on Rodney.

So, she decides not to be so nice about it, this time. "Uh, Colonel?"

"Yes, Cadman?"

She raises an eyebrow at him. "I didn't say McKay, did I?"

John smirks at Rodney, and finally turns his head towards Laura. "Yes, Lieutenant?"

She exhales slowly and says, "well, this is my post for the night," and pauses before saying, "so, I kind of need to know what you've been doing in there."

"Jumper repairs," John says easily. "McKay here just needed some help." Rodney looks at him crossly, but John just grins.

This might be too fun. "Actually," she says, "I've been here for six hours, and no one was in the jumper bay when I came on."

John says, "uh," and Rodney snaps his fingers. "Obviously, you didn't look properly. Now, go shoot something."

"Rodney," she singsongs, "you weren't there, and neither was your favorite jumper. And, I have it on good authority that all the jumpers had their weekly scans and repairs done yesterday."

They both fall silent, and she gives them the sweetest, most innocent smile she can muster. Rodney glares at her, and John straightens up. "We were making jumper repairs," he says again, his previous light tone completely gone. "You must have looked in while we had her for a test flight."

Laura bites her tongue and resists the urge to roll her eyes. Rodney glances from her to John, and says, "You can believe us, or you can not, but it's of no consequence to us. I have to get back to the lab." He turns and walks away, waiting until he's at the end of the hall before calling back, "don't forget that I need your help, Colonel Magic Gene."

John holds her gaze for a minute, turns around, and walks stiffly down the hall.

As soon as he turns the corner, she laughs.

Five People John and Rodney Really Are Fooling, by miasnape

Five People John and Rodney Really Are Fooling, by yolsaffbridge.


( 51 comments — comment )
Oct. 4th, 2006 04:36 am (UTC)
John saved Rodney half of a turkey sandwich. <3!
Oct. 4th, 2006 04:49 am (UTC)
The Snickers bar and the turkey sandwich... now that is love.
Oct. 4th, 2006 04:50 am (UTC)
It's always the food with these crazy kids, isn't it?
(no subject) - littlebuttercup - Oct. 4th, 2006 04:50 am (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 4th, 2006 04:55 am (UTC)
*snuggles the story close to her heart*

And dude, I'll totally add the companion piece to my list of Things I Wish I Had Time to Work On...
Oct. 4th, 2006 05:02 am (UTC)
Oh, good. You're the one who's supposed to like it :)

So, in regards to my mini-road trip to your side of the world, it's looking like I might be getting a new job soon, so ... I don't know when I'll be able to make it up there. I'm hopeful about the end of this month, but ... ugh. Too much stuff going on, you know? You'll be up in the city near xmas, right? We can get together then, at any rate.
(no subject) - downloadable08 - Oct. 4th, 2006 05:05 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - littlebuttercup - Oct. 4th, 2006 05:08 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - downloadable08 - Oct. 4th, 2006 07:24 am (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 4th, 2006 05:04 am (UTC)
I love food sharing. It's one of my McShep kinks. This fic was excellent :).
Oct. 4th, 2006 05:06 am (UTC)
The food sharing gets me every time, too, so I tend to write it a lot. I'm glad you liked this :)
Oct. 4th, 2006 05:18 am (UTC)
So cute. He picks the tablet up, rolls his eyes, and says, "do not pretend to be stupid, Rodney. It is not a good look for you." Radek is so adorable.
Oct. 4th, 2006 05:19 am (UTC)
I know! Which is obviously why he's number one, also, because him and Rodney are BFF with matching bracelets and toe rings.

Or maybe not, but still :) I'm glad you liked it.
Oct. 4th, 2006 07:36 am (UTC)
I love this way more than I should! Very cute.
Oct. 4th, 2006 03:46 pm (UTC)
Hee, I'm glad. Thanks!
Oct. 4th, 2006 08:56 am (UTC)
*Giggles madly* I adore 'discovery' fics. Wonderfully done. You know, I always envision Parrish as actually secretly having closer ties to Sheppard because he's the leading supplier of hair gel for the city (Parrish grows flax and uses the seeds to make hair gel. It's reasonably easy to do).

Thanks for sharing!
Oct. 4th, 2006 03:48 pm (UTC)
Haha, that would be hiliarious.

I'm glad you liked it!
Oct. 4th, 2006 09:09 am (UTC)
Okay, so I'm weak. I'm not sure how weak at the minute, because so far this is the only one I've had to write, but if four more follow don't be surprised. Also, I hate you, because your fic made me smile and laugh and want it to continue, and so I had to make it continue in some way. So here: a 500 word comment fic in your dubious honour.

Five People John and Rodney Really Are Fooling

i. Elizabeth

"No, no, no, no, Colonel, you're wrong. You're just so very, very wrong, as usual."

Rodney's slouched back in his chair and, however passionate his diatribe sounds, Elizabeth can tell he's not being all that serious because his hands are waving slowly and his mouth is quirked a certain way.

"Rodney," she says, almost a warning.

He looks up at her as if surprised she's still there in the meeting she called. Then he looks back and points at John. "Wrong."

John looks back at Rodney, eyes wide and pretend-innocent, and shrugs loosely. Elizabeth almost sighs and tries to hold back her urge to strangle them both as Rodney suddenly sits up and his hands start moving sharply. John smirks and slides further down into his seat.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rodney demands.

"Rodney," she says again, and this time it is a warning, and Rodney cuts himself off with a scowl. She turns to John. "And you, stop provoking him."

John looks at Rodney and smiles in a way she doesn't see very often; genuine and soft with a mischievous twinkle. "But it's fun. He gets all riled up and passionate."

He flicks a look at Rodney that she can't quite decipher from this angle. Rodney pauses completely, staring back, and a red flush runs up his face from under his collar.

Elizabeth smothers an affectionate smile. The friendship between John and Rodney is the only thing she knows that can make her head scientist casually embarrassed, as if he was constantly surprised by how much John enjoyed his company.

"Now can we move on with the actual topic we were supposed to be discussing?" she asks, expecting another ten minutes of bantering before they do. But Rodney's suddenly all business, shoving his chair closer to the table and moving his laptop closer.

"Yes, yes, let's get this over with."

"What, do you have something important to do after?" John asks, an eyebrow climbing closer to his hair, and Rodney scowls at him.

"Something annoying, maybe."

John shrugs again, and if he slides further down in his chair Elizabeth's sure that he's going to fall off. "Doing annoying things can be a lot of fun, Rodney. You just have to... approach it in the right way." He taps his fingers nonchalantly on the table. "Feel it out, as it were."

Rodney's eyes narrow and John's smirk widens.

This time Elizabeth can't stop herself from rolling her eyes. They're up to something again. She doesn't know what, but they're up to something.

When they've finally finished the meeting and Rodney and John are leaving, heads bent close together, whispering furiously, Elizabeth sees a dusty bootprint on Rodney's leg and makes a mental note to tell John that kicking Rodney under the table is only going to make him frustrated. Although, considering John's smile when Rodney shoves his shoulder, maybe that's what he's after. She shakes her head as they walk away. She's never understood their friendship. They're such... boys.
Oct. 4th, 2006 03:51 pm (UTC)

Best thing *ever*. I LOVE it.
(no subject) - maribouquet - Oct. 5th, 2006 02:43 am (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 4th, 2006 09:31 am (UTC)
Loved the Ronon part, taht was just too cute!
Oct. 4th, 2006 03:52 pm (UTC)
Hee, thanks!
Oct. 4th, 2006 11:34 am (UTC)
Verra cute! I love the different reactions to it.
Oct. 4th, 2006 03:52 pm (UTC)
Thanks :)
Oct. 4th, 2006 12:10 pm (UTC)
Awwww, this was delightful
Oct. 4th, 2006 03:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you :)
Oct. 4th, 2006 12:23 pm (UTC)
Awww, they are so cute ;-)
Oct. 4th, 2006 04:00 pm (UTC)
Thanks :)
Oct. 4th, 2006 12:29 pm (UTC)
Love the snickers bar.
Oct. 4th, 2006 04:00 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it :)
Oct. 4th, 2006 01:52 pm (UTC)
Okay, so I'm really, really weak:

Five People John and Rodney Really Are Fooling by miasnape
Oct. 4th, 2006 05:23 pm (UTC)
Auw. The sandwich! And the Snickers!!

Loved it.
Oct. 5th, 2006 02:29 am (UTC)
I'm glad!
Oct. 4th, 2006 05:26 pm (UTC)
I think my favorite one is Radek, although Ronon laughing and John being defensive is also very sweet and Rodney giving up Snickers!
Oct. 5th, 2006 02:29 am (UTC)
Radek, oh, I know, I had to write it. You know he sees all :)
Oct. 4th, 2006 08:36 pm (UTC)
That was brilliant. I love the story. :)
Oct. 5th, 2006 02:28 am (UTC)
Thanks :)
Oct. 4th, 2006 08:53 pm (UTC)
Ah good fun. Lovely little read. Thanks, Jenna.
Oct. 5th, 2006 02:27 am (UTC)
HA to your icon. Are you doing NaNo this year? I'm thinking I might try some original fic.

I'm glad you liked it :)
(no subject) - imyourally - Oct. 5th, 2006 02:34 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - littlebuttercup - Oct. 5th, 2006 02:36 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - imyourally - Oct. 5th, 2006 02:39 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - littlebuttercup - Oct. 5th, 2006 03:01 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - littlebuttercup - Oct. 5th, 2006 03:02 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - imyourally - Oct. 15th, 2006 02:33 am (UTC) - Expand
Oct. 5th, 2006 08:17 pm (UTC)
Sweet Sweet Sweet. Thanks for sharing.
Oct. 7th, 2006 12:08 am (UTC)
Glad you liked! And your icon makes me die of hystrical laughter, because I can just heard John going, "maybe," all John-like and sexy.

Ahem. Thanks!
Oct. 5th, 2006 10:57 pm (UTC)
This was so warm and lovely - loved the turkey sandwich and Snickers bar - and Ronon's reaction! Actually I liked everyone's reactions.
Oct. 7th, 2006 12:09 am (UTC)
Your icon - ZPM heaven! Now, if only we could get a good look at what we all know Rodney's first fantasy is ...

I'm glad you liked it :)
Feb. 7th, 2007 02:16 am (UTC)
The sandwich thing was really, really cute.

So was Cadman, lol.

Gonna go read about who they *are* fooling. /shakes head
Feb. 12th, 2010 10:24 pm (UTC)
that was adorable =D
( 51 comments — comment )

philip, my sisters, my friends. being dorky, singing, quoting lil wayne lyrics. washington capitals, hershey bears, everett silvertips. boston red sox, everett aquasox. indianapolis colts, denver broncos, washington redskins. david cook, stephen kellogg, jason mraz, dave matthews band. 3-day music festivals, drive-in theaters. road trips, driving, eating tacos at 2am. cheap rum & diet cherry coke, mint juleps, ocean water, cherry limeades. talking on the phone until 5am, silly text messages, written-on maps.


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